Some departures don’t have goodbyes.
2020 was the strangest year, when many of us had said goodbye to our loved ones. For some it was the health problems due to the virus and for some…may be the excruciating pain of loneliness.
Our house had a big garden at the back so it was our bond to the nature on a busy road. I walked at London Fields, Victoria Park when I could.
Then came today; a bright but cold winter’s day. I closed my eyes and looked up at the sunlight, letting it fill my soul. Every breath felt like a fresh life into every cell in my body. Then something happened…something I did not expect; that bright sun and the cold threw me to the past;
Try to feel like you are with me there on that exact day, let it feel as real as it can be;
Thessaloniki… one winter’s day. The sun is shining brighter than ever; it is cold as ice. Three of us, three girls, are standing at the bus stop. The road is wide. It is silent. There is no trace of wind. What a bright day; the sun and ancient Gods are smiling over Greece! We are laughing at the silly jokes we are making, a small standup show kind of a moment. We are waiting for the bus to take us to Aristotelous Square for a café frappé.. We are young, we feel like immortal. It is me, my beautiful, sweetest best friend whom I call beloumou, Natasa, and her childhood best friend Giota, whom I had the honour of becoming good friends with over the years. She is one of the most beautiful, smartest, strongest girls I have known in my life. She is the type of woman who would snap back passionately at any injustice that comes her way. When we first met, I told her she looked very much like my grandmother, whom I have only known from photos. She was born in Thessaloniki, too.
Giota recently graduated from university. We share our dreams of the future. We all have different plans. Will she go to Athens? Would she go to Athens? But she loves it here in Thessaloniki; she recently became an aunt.
The bus is kind of late. We are still at the bus stop, waiting; there is no wind, but it’s very cold. Giota grabs her shoulder with a painful impression on her face. Natasa asks if her shoulder is still aching. Giota nods, but she brushes it off saying she’s fine as she smiles and massages her shoulder. She says the doctor prescribed some muscle cream for her shoulder; she thinks she pulled a muscle or something similar that hurt her arm. Suddenly, we shiver; it is too cold. I say, “It’s bright like a summer day, but so cold.” Giota giggles, looks at me, and says, “Ilios me dodia (ήλιος με δόντια).” I don’t understand, I look at her; she knocks on her teeth: “The sun with teeth. It is bright, but it bites. That’s how we say it!” I love that expression; I add another phrase to my Greek. IAfter some more jokes and plans for the summer, the bus finally arrives. We get on the bus for another beautiful day…destination: live your life to the fullest!
Shortly after that day, I returned to Istanbul, back to work; writing and directing. Some time later, Natasa told me Giota’s arm started aching more and even causing loss of sensation throughout her arm. It was strange, she just pulled a muscle , didn’t she?! The doctors called her in for more tests and then some more tests; suddenly, the doctors found out it was more than muscle cramps. A tiny cyst was hiding behind her bone unnoticed, got bigger and bigger; it was not a friendly cyst. It was the enemy: growing, spreading. She had her whole life ahead of her.
Giota went through treatments. She was a warrior, the strongest one! She won! She recovered! The brightest days were back! She was happy with her boyfriend; both of them had dreams for the future. They were engaged, in love.
It wasn’t long after, the hidden enemy struck back; she didn’t realize but it secretly invaded her whole body. The doctors called it aggressive. Six months later, she was gone. Everything stopped. No sound, no wind, no sunshine. Utter silence. The only thing that remained immortal was the love that we shared. It is funny because I still remember her voice, I still know how she would react to something we say or a situation. I still guess how she would dress or how her hair would be if she is going out…in short, it still feels like she is still somewhere out there.
Now each time the sun shines brightly on a very cold day, I remember her smile, hear her giggle, knocking on her teeth: “Ilios me dodia (ήλιος με δόντια)” (the sun with teeth). It is beautiful and bright, but it bites, so does life. I hold on to the crumbles of love and life and walk along my path. Like I said, some departures don’t have goodbyes. Life fleets without notice.
If you ever visit Greece, here is a Greek sentence for you to learn, remember, and say as much as you can before those goodbyes arrive: S’agapo parapoli (σ’αγαπώ πάρα πολύ) – I love you very much.
And remember, love is only thing that will always be immortal.
M. Bakir
February 2021
